Importance of Communication

  • Regarding the Tower of Babel
    • “And the Lord God said, ‘Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. Come, let Us go down and there confuse their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.’ So the Lord scattered them abroad from there over the face of all the earth, and they ceased building the city” (Genesis 11:6-8).
    • When their communication was good, they cooperated.
    • When their communication was good, everything worked smoothly.
    • When their communication was good, nothing could stop them.
    • When their communication broke down, chaos resulted.
    • When their communication broke down, they could not work together.
    • When their communication broke down, they separated from one another.
    • How does the Tower of Babel illustration apply to the marriage relationship?
  • Regarding Speaking in Tongues
    • “But now, brethren, if I come to you speaking with tongues, what shall I profit you unless I speak to you either by revelation, by knowledge, by prophesying, or by teaching? Even things without life, whether flute or harp, when they make a sound, unless they make a distinction in the sounds, how will it be known what is piped or played? For if the trumpet makes an uncertain sound, who will prepare for battle? So likewise you, unless you utter by the tongue words easy to understand, how will it be known what is spoken? For you will be speaking into the air.” (1 Corinthians 14:6-9)
    • What principle or guideline should we learn from this passage for better communication in marriage?

Biblical Commands

  • Always speak the truth (Ephesians 4:25; Proverbs 12:19; 13:5).
  • Avoid harsh words (Proverbs 12:18; 15:1-2).
  • Keep anger in check (Proverbs 13:3; 26:20; 29:11; Ephesians 4:26-27, 31).
  • Listen (Proverbs 18:13; 21:13; James 1:19).
  • Encourage others (Proverbs 25:11; Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 4:6).
  • Watch your body language (Proverbs 6:16-17; James 4:17).
  • Think before you speak (Proverbs 15:28; 21:23; Matthew 12:36-37).

Male / Female Perspectives and Suggestions

“Men and women have very different approaches to communication. When a man starts a conversation, it is generally because he perceives there is a problem that needs to be addressed. If there is no perceived problem, he feels no particular need to talk. The box he is currently in is at ease, and the lack of distress makes him assume everything is all right with the relationship. His wife, on the other hand, has a constant desire to talk with her husband. She wants to connect him to everything in her life and assumes he wants to connect her to everything in his life. When she begins a conversation, he assumes she is bringing up a problem that needs to be resolved. Generally, she is starting the conversation because it seems natural to talk about whatever is on her mind. While she is in conversational mode, he turns on the “fix-it” mechanism and the conflict begins. She gets her feelings hurt because he is trying to figure her out rather than just visit with her. He gets impatient because there seems to be no point … ” — Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti (p.28)

“Whoever begins a conversation should be the one to set the pace for the conversation.  … When your wife begins a conversation with you, assume that she needs to connect the issues of her life together. She doesn’t need you to work your male logic into her thinking process. She simply needs you to help her make the connections. You will do well if you view the conversation as a journey she is going to lead you on. Pack your bags, go on the journey, and encourage her to take the conversation wherever she wants.” — Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti (p. 28-29)

“Ladies, when it is your husband’s turn to talk, you need to practice staying in the box he wants to open. You see, when he brings up an issue for discussion, he actually intends to talk about that issue. So when he says to you, ‘We need to talk about our finances,’ he most likely wants to have a financial conversation  …  He wants to have what he considers to be a reasonable conversation with you. He wants it to stay on track. He wants to identify the problem, evaluate the options, commit to a solution, and see it work out.” — Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti (p. 31)

“If we stay focused on one topic and resist the urge to open up all the surrounding boxes, we buy our men the emotional time they need to work their way down through the layers of the box  …  We ladies must remember that we are drilling for valuable treasure, not interrogating a prisoner. Patient listening will periodically bring the motions to the surface we love to see.” — Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti (p. 32)

Conclusion

One of the biggest obstacles in any successful relationship is the ability to communicate. As husbands and wives, we need to accept the fact that we each approach conversation differently. We need to learn ways to better handle those differences in a loving and respectful manner.

Conversation is the lifeblood of any relationship. If the heart stops pumping the blood, the body dies; if the conversation between a husband and wife stops, the relationship dies.