“See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God; and such we are” (1 John 3:1). Like John, I am amazed that I have the privilege of becoming part of God’s family. In a similar vein, Paul notes that we become children of God through faith and baptism (Galatians 3:26-27), and that the church is the household of God (1 Timothy 3:15). Regardless of your background or experiences with earthly family members, everybody can take something away from these verses. If you have always enjoyed a healthy, fulfilling relationship with your family members, then those positive feelings easily translate into your companions in the church. If you have had bad experiences with earthly family members, then it can be comforting to know that you have an alternative support system that, in many significant ways, is superior than a carnal father, mother, or siblings.
Jesus Himself notes that our spiritual fellowship always takes precedence over earthly family ties. “While He was still speaking to the multitudes, behold, His mother and brothers were standing outside, seeking to speak to Him. And someone said to Him, ‘Behold, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside seeking to speak to You’. But He answered the one who was telling Him and said, ‘Who is My mother and who are My brothers?’ And stretching out His hand toward His disciples, He said, ‘Behold, My mother and My brothers!’ For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother’” (Matthew 12:46-50). What impresses me most about this idea is that God never considers anybody a “black sheep” in the spiritual family. He never regards one child more than another by playing favorites. He does not value a son more than a daughter, like many cultures today. Even in spite of our past sins, Jesus is not ashamed to call us His brothers (Hebrews 2:11). With all that being said, in what ways is this spiritual familial bond expressed between Christians?
You Have More Than One Set Of Parents
Some may look at the above statement (teenagers, probably) and groan. But as much as we might balk about our relationships with our parents, there is something very special about how we can turn to so many honorable men and women for counsel. After all, “Where there is no guidance, the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory” (Proverbs 11:14). Obviously, our own parents are our first line of defense, and they ultimately carry the weight of responsibility for our upbringing (Hebrews 12:9-11, Ephesians 6:4), but when we become Christians we are welcomed into a much broader circle of spiritual family members. “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left houses or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children… for My sake and for the gospel’s sake, but that he shall receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children…” (Mark 10:29). Consider:
- Timothy appears to have had a father who was, at best, indifferent to his spiritual guidance (Acts 16:1ff). It was Timothy’s mother and grandmother who are given credit for the fostering of his faith (2 Timothy 1:5). In the apostle Paul, though, Timothy found what was lacking in his earthly father: a spiritual role model who would treat him like a son (2 Timothy 1:2). We may also have similar experiences in our past, perhaps in the sense that we find spiritual brothers, sisters, or mothers, as well as fathers.
- In addition, Christians are to treat each other as if we were family members. “Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity” (1 Timothy 5:1-2).
Nobody Is An Only Child
When we became Christians we instantly inherited all sorts of new brothers and sisters, some of whom we will come to depend on much more than those with whom we share genetic material. If you grew up without a sister, or brother, or were deprived of a relationship with a father or mother, this means you have plenty of them now! Be careful to avoid the temptation of isolating yourself, or just spending time with physical family members. Instead, invest heavily in the precious relationships we share in Christ. Sometimes, we bring our baggage with us to the Christian family:
- We bring our “only child syndrome” and expect to be catered to;
- We come with a preconceived idea about being one of many siblings, as if we are valued less by God because we are just a face in the crowd;
- We may have felt neglected as a child or teenager, and now we are unwilling to open ourselves up to more hurt feelings and disappointment;
- But keep in mind that any attempts at isolating ourselves are only vain and foolhardy: “He who isolates himself seeks his own desire, he quarrels against all sound wisdom” (Proverbs 18:1).
You Are Now On A Talented Team
Various scriptures affirm that when we are added to God’s family, we become part of a team filled with talented, dynamic people. “Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us…” (Romans 12:6). This organization is part of something bigger than us, by ourselves (Ephesians 3:10-11), similar to the collective force of a team operating at a high level. Just as every team has people with particular talents, who hold the various positions on the field of play, so every family has members who fulfill a specific function:
“The loud, obnoxious aunt” – She is the one who is in everybody’s business, but always with the best of intentions. She is a force to be reckoned with, but has a tender touch and a gentle heart. She is quick to help, but will always let you know how she feels. In the local congregation, this is the person who everybody knows will give a straight answer to their problems. She is willing to talk about subjects that others feel awkward about. This kind of Christian is necessary because we need a few church members who are not confined by decorum, who will grab you by the hand and yank you out of sin (Genesis 19:16), who will tell you answers straight up even though you may not like it.
“The one with the quiet inner strength” – Every family has somebody who talks very little, but carries great authority. When he or she speaks, everybody listens. I have always thought that James was this kind of church family member. In Acts 15, the entire congregation seems to be in an uproar because of the contentions surrounding Paul and the Gentile converts. However, when James speaks, everybody becomes silent (Acts 15:13). He has been sitting in the room the whole time, thinking, pondering, considering, and finally speaks up at the perfect time. We need church family members like this. Their soundness, wisdom, and temperance are invaluable assets, especially when church problems arise. This is why elders are to be temperate, uncontentious, and never pugnacious (1 Timothy 3:1-3).
“The excitable cousin” – Somehow, families get wrangled into going on ridiculous vacations, breaking with tradition at the holidays, or getting on board with an out-of-this-world idea. Who sparks these exciting endeavors? It’s always that cousin whose innovative thinking motivates the family to stay fresh and zealous. These are the kind of church members who love to teach new songs to the congregation, get the young people involved in new ways, and expand their own horizons by learning spiritual skills and applying them. Let us be careful never to stifle the zeal of members like this (1 Thessalonians 5:16-22).
“The in-law whose value becomes inexpressible” – We have all known those family members (in-laws) who are brought in to the group, and are seen with reserved skepticism. At first, we are unsure of what they will contribute, but their value is quickly discovered and appreciated. I think Paul may have been seen, at least at first, in this way. He notes that the Christians in Judea had some skepticism when they heard that Saul of Tarsus had been converted (Galatians 1:22-24), but they eventually glorified God because of his work. When he first visited Jerusalem, it took the tireless intercession of Barnabas to convince the other Christians that it was not a scam (Acts 9:26-28). We should be careful not to make new converts or recent additions feel like they are the “in-laws” of our congregation. Their ability to make contributions may go untapped if we fail to truly accept them.
“The Organizer” – This is the family member who is always on top of drawing names for Christmas, keeping everybody posted on next year’s family reunion, and making sure that visits from long distance family members are organized like a Caribbean cruise. These church members stay on top of things like duty rosters, visits to homebound Christians, pot lucks, and meals for visiting preachers. They “do not neglect” (Hebrews 13:2) any aspect of church family life. They are also valuable for e-mail updates, and keeping everybody posted when some kind of need arises in the congregation.
We all must contribute something to the work being done in this family, so what have you done lately? Are you a family member, or an observer? “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). “Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22).
